My Alcoholic Dad-How Alcohol Helps You Cope With Life's Problems
Posted: Monday, June 05, 2006
by Joymoon
Ithaka House
Unfortunately, my Dad was an alcoholic and died at the early age of 49.
I am writing this today as this article might help people who have had this problem in their life which has severely impacted their emotional stability.
My dad had many accidents with cars, other things, was a womanizer, hit my Mom, was embarressing to me in front of my freinds as he fell asleep on the porch drunk all the time and all this totally messed me up as a teenager and adult. He never taught me how to cope with problems, the way to cope was to drink, plus it was a reward for whatever hard work you think you did. So, I became an alcoholic at the age of 36. He taught me how to cope, just drink.
I had some therapy in the 1960's but well, all shrinks told me that I would grow out of it, yep, alcohol helped me in my late 20's and throughout my 30's. My dad taught me that.
Somehow, I managed to get sober just with AA when I was 40 and forgive my father for his problems and my mother blaming me for his death. But as you know dysfunction lies deep.
I married men that were just like my dad, very controling to say the least. I married my dad really as I really loved him and wanted someone just like him(in my mind).
My dad only did about half a dozen things with me till the time he died. He and I took walks in the woods, we went to Coney Island and he sat me on bars. He taught me how to cope with lifes problems, just drink.
Today, I have 17 years sober but unfortunately, my mother did not go for help and continued the problem by enabling my son and daughter to drink and BLAME other people for problems. I stand alone now, sober, without my 16 and 23 year old son, happy to be alive.
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More commentsI undersatnd wat u are talking about ..my father was juust the same way but me and my sister told him one day stop drinking or leave and he decided to leave...iam now 18 years old and my father was put in jail for 3 years and finally changed his life he doesnt have us liveing with him but we see his sometimes ...but ya this story got to me because i know where your comeing from and its good to hear about some one that went thru the same thing..
You need a restraining order from the police for him, this is known as toughlove as you seem very fearful of him. Also let me recommend ALANON, even online. Alcoholics make everyone in the family sick. This is the insidious disease this is.Joyce
i am 22 yrs. old and am living on my own... i love my dad to death but hate his drinking with passion! it has done nothing but tear our family apart.. everything mentioned above is true.. he is moody, starts fights about the stupidiest things, cant be confronted about his drinking because "its not a problem" has been into more than one accident i thank god its always been himself and he hasnt hurt anyone...yet.... and embarrasses our whole family... his drinking has pushed everyone who has ever cared for him away over the years, it has been 7 months that he and my mom have been seperated, and just the other day my mom told me she has had it and is filing for divorce... i mean how could he be so selfish and stubborn to not realize what his drinking has done?!!!! my highschool years was terrorized by his drinking, and i always found myself ashamed of being his daughter.. sometimes i wish he could just get arrested and be locked up for a year or two, maybe that would clean him up and atleast we wont have to worry about his drinking an where his at...maybe that would make him realize just how much life is really worth!!!!An alcoholic does not see himself as sick, but instead blame other people for their problems--for example--if you had my life you would drink also!An alcoholic will not stop drinking even if he goes to a rehab 100 times unless he totally accepts he is powerless over alcohol and that one drink will get him drunk, not the 10th or 15th, but the first. He is allergic to alcohol and the insanity of drinking is that alcoholics think that this time will be different, that they can control it, not get into trouble etc. WRONG.The only thing you can do is have a family intervention and make him see that HE is the problem. You can watch these things on tv to learn how to do them and get someone from a rehab to do it with you. Otherwise, the only outcome for alcoholism is death and insanity or both.Joyce
Am 22 and God i thought it was only me who goes thru this, it's so painful, my dad has always been an alcoholic he also smokes so as far as i can remember all the 22 years of my life that has always been his life style, NEVER had a job so me and my younger brother have to do his roles. we have had to have jobs really early in life to help mum pay her bills and stuff..my mum has separated with my dad so many times but just like many of u i don't know what it is i also LOVE my dad to death so every time my mum leaves him noone else helps him not even his own family like his brother and sisters, no1 cares about him, so i feel like if we my family don't help him who will? he also doesn't admit that he is an alcoholic it's painful, i always think that his gonna die soon just because he drinks waaaay toooo much.....so yh as am writing this his drunk, am trynna study do my law school work and it's just hard........what else can we do to help our fathers???
My son became involved with drugs at 16, my daughter with alcohol at 14. I have not ever been drunk in front of my daughter nor was her father. My son saw me drink till he was 5. Here is what you MUST DO to save his life if it can be saved and if it cannot, that is his fate unfortunately, his vector. Leave him to his own devises. Leave him be. Suggest a rehab and walk away, that is all you can do.I had to do toughlove on my son and throw him out of the house when he was 16. My daughter was too young, like 9 to be exposed to this lifestyle. It killed me to do this but had to do this. My mother, who is still alive at 92, came to his rescue after he was just about ready to come back home on my terms and this has ruined my son's life. She gave him money and took him in as she was afraid of going to assisted living. He never graduated from HS, might have a GED, do not know for fact. He called the cops because I knocked on her door to say goodbye for the year as they live in NYC and well, she might not make it to next year at her age. NOW WHY WOULD MY SON DO THIS?? My mother and son totally hate me for doing this to him when he was 16. I believe he still does drugs and of course, will get everything my mother has when she dies and that is very substantial. My mother enabled my father to drink and never went to Alanon to find out what to do. If she might have followed what they prescribe, he might be alive today. Me the recovering drunk in my 20th year now, gets nothing but heartache and hatred thrown at me by both of them and now my daughter also who is just 18. When one disrespects a older adult in a family, all do, its natural. You have to leave your dad to his own devises even though he might die, if you enable him, he will surely die of alcohol. If he goes to a rehab, he might have a chance, might. Alcohol is a terrible disease and only 3 in 100 recover for life MAYBE. It is a soul robbing disease. Try Alanon online, it could help you cope as this is what you have to do. I know you love him as I still love my alcoholic dad who died when I was 16 and wish he recovered and my mother would have been the one to pass first, but that was not in the cards. Life throws you curve balls, cope with them and let your dad cope with his problems which is alcohol and if he doesnt want help, a rehab, oh well, maybe in his next lifetime, sorry to be so blunt but I have seen many die of alcohol in the past 20-25 years I have been in AA.
I was raised with an alcohlolic father and became an alcohlic myself by the age of 16 i am 36 now. I learned to deal with problems by drinking and blaming other for my problems. One day I had a spiritual awakening and i have not drank since. I have come to realize that my father taught me some good and bad patterns, but is up to me decide what road i want to take. I have learned that my parents were my teachers, but is up to me to choose what i want to do. Let's quit blaming others and take responsibilty for our actions. gina from san antonio
Am 16 and my own father whom I love very much is an alcoholic even he admits that he likes his drink too much. He drinks quite heavily drinking about 20-30 cans in one week or whenever he has the money to buy it. The drink causes huge fights. I've hit him so many times but I really don't want to but its my only way of defending myself as he gets violent. He's started fights that go on for hours and we both end up saying sorry to each other at the end of it but I don't want the fights. I need help from someone I'm completely lost and do not know what to do.
At 16, you can leave home and go to someone elses house, ask your school counselor. I do not want to see someone so young be so damaged like I was. It is of no use to hit or yell, he needs help and perhaps if you leave, that might do it, but you must do it for YOU and your LIFE. Your dad chose his lifestyle, now it is time to change yours. You can go live with some one else at your age, the law always it and you can pick who that is, an aunt, relative, older sibling, etc. Thats toughlove on him. Also, go to AlANON on line or in person, look up a group close to where you live. You deserve a safe place to live. You do not want to wake up dead or kill him for his drinking. Time to leave. Joyce
i thought i was the only one going through this, im 20 years old and the way i look at it is i am the man of the house that means i look after my mum sister and gran thats the only strenght i need to cope
Hello, I am touched by your article because I can feel related to your story. Living with my alcoholic father has been very stressful for me even though I am 32 years old now. Thanks to him, I am afraid to trust men.
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